THE MOVIE STAR
The pristine, tasseled loafer flew past my head, like a ballistic missile thankfully missing its target.  “Ah”, I surmised, The Movie Star was in fine form this morning…

The surprisingly aerodynamic footwear was a response to my offensive and outlandish query, “What size shoe do you wear?” 

Apparently, in my “incompetence” I had neglected to use my telepathic talents to correctly glean from my boss’s grey matter her correct shoe size.

I can’t blame Madam, for her rage.  It was my fault.  I was lacking the intellect, the wherewithal, nay, the proper ovarian intuition, for I could not fully grasp the instruction, “Go buy the white sandals in the shoe store across from the Silver Spoon!!!!”

The fact that three identical shoe stores presented their wares across from the Silver Spoon restaurant did in no way, enter into the matter.

In truth, I thought I was being rather clever.  I did not bother Madam with loathsome trivialities, such as “which shoe store”, “what method of monetary exchange shall I use to procure these coveted sandals”, or even the blessed: “may I go NOW???”

I had the first triviality covered.  I would proceed from one store to the other and inquire, “Had a former Oscar and Emmy winner, somewhat still famous and extremely bitchy female shown an interest in a pair of white sandals??”

If dazed heads were nodding or better yet, ashen faces turned to stare, I would follow with undeniable proof…“Did the female in question, enter into any altercations with you or your patrons and in ear shattering decibels, scream inches from your face, “DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???????”    If so, I’m in the right spot.
Excerpt from OUT OF FOCUS: Assisting the Industry     Copyright 2009